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The answers to that will help you understand if you are realistically appraising how you are seen by others. What are the things you fear most in getting close to another person?

Most people believe they know what kind of a partner they want and actively seek those qualities in prospective possibilities.

Recall if you saw those fears realized early in the relationship, but were so attracted to the good things that you didn’t pay attention.

Explore in your mind how you might have been changed by knowing them, and how those impressions affect the way you seek and interact in your current relationships. If you could magically put anyone with whom you’ve had an adult, close, intimate relationship in the same room, and they were 100 percent honest, in what ways would they agree with who you were to them, both positively and negatively?Make a list of the most significant people who have deeply influenced what you believe about intimate relationships.Then write down next to each how old you were at the time of the encounter; what the nature of the relationship was; and how it has affected your ability to love and be loved in the present.To gain self-compassion and the desire to continue searching, refrain from doing that: Guilt and shame are the enemies of transformation.As you answer the questions, do not be surprised if you begin thinking of others that may be more unique to your own relationships.

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